A True American Hero?

Awhile back in Tanzania, I bought some ibitengi with Obama's face on it.  It came in two pieces-- I'm saving one for when I get back to America but have been using the other as an all-purpose wrap for doing "works at home."

I'm torn as to whether I should feel patriotic or treasonous while wearing it.  One the one hand, you can't get much more American than wearing your president's face around your house all day.  But on the other hand, I am frequently wiping my dirty hands, spilling food, or sitting on Obama's face.  Hero or traitor?  This could very well be the Supreme Court's toughest case yet.  I can just picture it:

In the case of Howell vs. America, the prosecution will now present its evidence.  Witnesses state that the defendant did willing, and repeatedly, make remarks and actions of questionable patriotism with reference to her wearing of the president's likeness on her posterior region.  Some examples highlighted include, but are not limited to:
1.  On January 18th, 201, the defendant did unthinkingly wipe her avocado-smeared hand across the president's face, followed by fully three minutes of helpless laughter by the realization that a particularly large green glob was positioned directly below the commander in chief's left nostril.  The defendant was heard to remark aloud, "Why Mr. President, snot a smart look for you!"
2.  On February 7th, 2012, phone records show that the defendant send a text message to an unknown recipient, stating "I'm stargazing on Obama's face!"  The Secret Service was quickly alerted, only to discover the president safely in a cabinet meeting.  Satellite imagery later revealed that the defendant was, in fact, sitting outside on her ibitengi, gazing up at the constellations.  Still, the cost to the taxpayers of mobilizing the Secret Service for such a false alarm cannot be overstated.  The public cries out for justice.
3.  On February 13th, 2012, the defendant did, while using her ibitengi in the course of ordinary domestic chores, spill a small portion of bleach across the president's likeness.  The prosecution acknowledges that such an accident is not, in and of itself, worth mentioning; however, inside sources reveal that the defendant then comtemplated sending a text message to the aforementioned unknown recipient, reading "Hahaha, I just made Obama white."  Furthermore, the same source can authoritatively state that the defendant was only prevented from taking such reprehensible action by a lack of airtime.
4.  Finally, the prosecution has irrefutable evidence that on February 21st, 2012, the defendant did, while wearing her ibitengi as a cape, spend fully thirty minutes standing next to a hole in her wall, killing termites with a shoe and gleefully proclaiming, "Captain America demands that you die!"
The prosecution rests its case.

I don't think the defense can make an adequate rebuttal in the face of all that evidence.  I just hope I can keep up with my blogging from federal prison...